Smoking Together? Is it time to Quit Together

I've observed that when we live with someone, we share moments throughout the day, we share parts of our social routines; and sometimes these moments are more important to our lives than we recognize. Smoking is one of these routines that can be an integral part of our relationship, part of our interactions that can bring us together or sometimes cause great stress to a relationship. Perhaps this shared time might be over coffee and a cigarette in the morning, or getting away from children for a quick smoke, out on the porch. Sometimes couples don't really talk about their cigarettes and whether they want to quit, or not, except in generalities. When a pregnancy happens with all of the expectations and sometimes ambivalence of a baby coming the generalities of whether a person has thoughts of quitting tobacco and the shared time of smoking can bring up strong feelings and frustrations. Sometimes it brings out shared "you should's", expectations of what their partner should do from both sides of the partnership. Have you experienced any of this?

Sometimes the shared experience of smoking, a time which brought you together before the pregnancy, is something that has never been discussed but now becomes important in new ways and a discussion becomes important. Now smoking, because of the importance of quitting for the baby, is an important decision for both parents. How this discussion and the decisions made by both mom and dad occur has a huge impact on the relationship and on how stressful the pregnancy is on the relationship, and on mom.

Whether this discussion and decision becomes something shared by the partnership is vitally important to the relationship and to the baby. Openly talking with each other about conflicting feelings of quitting and empathy for each other are vital to this important discussion. Recognition about the difficulty of quitting and why it is important for everyone that both the man and the woman quit, needs to be communicated and resolved. This discussion might best be handled with a counselor. The quit line has tobacco treatment specialist that are trained in helping pregnant couples quit. A First Breath booklet titled, What you Can Do to Help Your Loved One Quit Smoking" might be a helpful resource. It would be available through your county Health Department in Wisconsin. I would also like to invite anyone who would like to work through these feelings and issues together to contact me. Whatever the time, place or format I would encourage this to be something you as a couple tackle together. I know, that this can be the time which brings you together as a couple, making decisions that will benefit your baby's beginnings and health and your own future and health. Blessings for you both in this effort.