My recent post was on partners quitting together. What happens if you are the only one that is ready to quit or if you are the only one that smokes in your household, what then? You still need the support of your family, and everyone living with you. This can be tricky because often between family and loved ones ISSUES about smoking have occurred, or times when your smoking has been a cause of conflict. It is easy to feel judged by others who don't smoke or smoke themselves but think because you have young children or are pregnant that you should quit. So the question becomes how to get past all of these barriers and begin the efforts of quitting despite the negative opinions of others.
This will take effort, and I will begin by suggesting that you start with laying it out on the table. Tell them of your feelings. This works by using those "I feel" words. It doesn't help if they get on the defensive, you want their support, not their anger, so own your feelings by letting them know how you feel and what you want to accomplish. An example would be, "I feel scared to try to quit because I don't want to disappoint myself or others if I can't quit but I have set a quit date and would like your support. I feel that if I tell you what things will help me and what things don't help, things will go easier for me. I know this won't be easy for either of us but it is important and I need your support and feel I know what things you can do which will really help me during this difficult time." In this example you lay out your feelings and desires, you are up front about the specific things that will help support your efforts and you acknowledge how hard it will be for both of you.
To help them know how to support you, you need to be specific on what support works and what they could do that would feel judgmental from them. This is tricky because to enlist their help you have to make sure they don't feel blamed or defensive. Again try to stick with the "I feel" words, they will cut out some of the negative feelings they might feel about this issue too. I would suggest that you don't get into the things that have happened in the past by just saying I have given this a lot of thought and think that _______ will work best. This is a new day and everyone involved needs to feel this is a fresh start and shouldn't be weighed down by the past.
It is important to relay how important it is that everyone around you should not smoke around you. Ask if they would change their routine so that they smoke away from the home or at least away from you. It is especially important that they don't smoke in the car that you will travel in. This is often a place people associate smoking with and it will trigger a stronger craving if someone has recently smoked there. I would encourage you to figure out times and ways to spend together that don't involve smoking. You both will need to change routines so that you still spend time enjoying each others company, and handling family business without doing it where you used to smoke together. Your special loved one can help by changing a smoking routine to going out on walks with you, or helping you through a craving with a change of activity or an I love you.
I know that you need the support from loved ones especially during the early days of quitting where you are likely to be cranky, difficult and when you might not feel very well. Tell them you expect the early days to be hard and that you hope they can be patient when you are hard to live with. Ask them to give you some slack when you are angry or emotional, that you especially need their love then. Let them know what some of the hard parts of quitting might feel like to you so they can better understand what you are up against.
I hope that you can have these honest conversations with your partner and loved ones and that they will take them in the spirit they are offered. These times require patience and love shown by everyone and support can be shown if they keep what will work best for you at the forefront.
No comments:
Post a Comment